Dear Anonymous

Yesterday we got an anonymous donation. It was dedicated to Glenn Beck's career (2000-2011, RIP). So, first I was all

But then I was all, "Wait, how can I thank this person if I don't know who he (or she) is?" (I mean, besides an animated Zach Galifinakgif. Because that is a present for the whole world.) This donor could be anyone! It could be a coworker! It could be a friend! It could be Justin Bieber! (Probably was Justin Bieber.) What to get this wonderful Canadian treasure, Justin Bieber person? I needed a Bieberone-size-fits-all kind of thing. Like a snuggie. With tiny Justin Biebers all over it. But digital. A Bieberprint snuggie for the internet.

And then it hit me. Of course. The one thing that everyone enjoys most in the world when Bieberprint snuggies are unavailable: a Blingee. A Beck Blingee.

Et... voila! Votre cadeau, mon ami anonyme.



De rien, mon amour. De rien.


PS. Just in case your imagination could not fathom its awesomenisity:

Broken Jelly Donuts

Well, crap.

Six years ago I rode on an old wooden roller coaster in the last car. I learned that it’s true what they say: roller coasters aren’t good for your back.

My back instantly hurt and I spent the next few days on the couch. But then I got up, and never really had a problem with it. Until this year.

This past January, I bent over and fell to the floor in pain. I couldn’t move. I couldn’t control my lower back. I had no idea what was happening. I finally pushed myself back against a door and I heard a pop. I could now stand up, well, not straight up.

I couldn’t really walk the next few days, certainly not upright. I went to the doctor. He said it was most likely a torn disc (which is a type of herniated disc), but people live with them all the time. I rested for a few weeks. I then went running again. A few days later I woke up and couldn’t get out of bed. I went and got an MRI.

Here are my results:

Win! Win! I have TWO torn discs (#6 and #7). Plus two degenerated (aka squished) discs (#1 and #3)!

The way my doctor described it, our discs are like jelly donuts, but when they are injured, the filling squeezes out. When the discs get upset, they shift, they get inflamed, and they get real mad. Inside the pink curved lines are where my discs have torn and are bulging out. That’s not good.

I went to the physical therapist. He said I couldn’t run for at least 4 to 6 weeks.

WHAT?!?

So I haven’t been.

But this week, I’m gonna try to start running again.

What all of this means is:

a) I’m gonna need a walker by the time I’m 30
b) I won’t be able to run the half marathon
c) BUT I WILL BE ABLE TO WALK IT!

I’m going to complete it, g-dangit. I promise.

With all the support Kelly and I have gotten for the OKC Marathon, I can’t back out now.

WE HAVE LESS THAN A MONTH! And less than $800 to raise!

Hurts, Donut?

Princess Glitterpig

This is Princess Glitterpig. No, I'm sorry. This picture really doesn't do him justice. In person, he looks more like this:

Better.

With Glitterpig's help, I got my coworkers to donate $170 last week through a week-long bake sale. It was pretty awesome. And everyone fell in love with Glitterpig. One of the secretaries adopted him through a generous donation, but his presence is definitely missed this week around the office. So I'm working on GJ (Glitterpig Junior) as a surprise thank you gift. He's currently snout-down on my living room table, having just gotten a brazillian glitter treatment this morning.

In other news, I ran my 3rd half marathon in 3 months. I finished in 2:17:54, which is over two minutes faster than my first half. I would also like to point out that this is just 30 minutes behind Troy Aikman, who was also there. Sadly, I was not as close to him yesterday as I was that one time he was getting his hair cut as the same place as me. That time I coulda reached out and slapped him. But I didn't. Cuz that's rude.

ANYWAY, with last week's donations, we are now just under $1,000 shy of our goal! And we are now officially in the last month! One month! If you've been thinking of donating, now's the time. And if you can't donate the online minimum ($10), you can throw some dollar bills at me or my sister in person and we will scramble to pick them up. Seriously. You should know by now we have no shame. (Really. How do you not know that by now?)

Eye of the Pugger

We Will Never Say "No" to Your Moneys

I was asked today "Are you still accepting donations?"

and the answer is "YES!"

We still need roughly $1,300!!!

Even if we raise that $1,300, we will still gladly and gratefully take more donations!

The sky is the limit folks. We will never say "No" to your moneys.


And we only have 52 days left!! Time is running out!



To keep your interested piqued, here are some teasers for upcoming posts:

1) My MRI results. That's right, I had an MRI. CAN I STILL RACE?!?!?!?


2) Kelly's results from her latest half marathon. DID SHE IMPROVE HER TIME? DID SHE GLITTER AND SHINE?


3) A sweet montage video featuring this:

Getting and Spending

Just in case you thought this was a total scam, My Heart's Desire wrote to let us know that they got a check for about $1,500 in the mail a few weeks ago.


They asked if we wanted them to spend it any particular way. I suggested that the whole amount go to a large bronze plaque of my face. Something simple. And tasteful. Like this:

(Not drawn to scale. Actual size is like, at least 3 or 4 feet long. At least.)

I also told them I thought it would probably cost a little more than the amount we raised to get a really nice plaque, so it might actually cost them a little out of pocket, but that it would totally be worth it. Because you don't want to be cheap and then have to look at a crappy plaque every day and then be all, "I totally should have shelled out the extra 2k. Biggest mistake of my life."

They suggested spending it on deworming the rescue dogs so that they are healthy enough to be adopted. I was all, "Ok, I guess. I mean, whatever. It's your money. And apparently, you think you know best. I'm just saying, nobody doesn't like a good plaque. But whatever. That's cool..."

A big thank you to all who helped make that check possible.
And if you want to be a part of the next check that goes out, it's as simple as clicking this button:

Look What You Made Me Do

I'm trying to make a blog post about the half marathon. We made an awesome shirt for the sole purpose of taking pictures of it and posting them here for your entertainment. We took a lot of pictures of said shirt and I'm trying to figure out which one is the most embarrassing and therefore, of the greatest entertainment potential. And then you give us money. TA-DA!

So I'm trying to figure out...

Is it this one?




Orrrrrrrr how bout this one:



Or I could give you one of these:



(...it's the last one, isn't it?)

Here's the point. I'm halfway through training. I ran 13.1 miles wearing a really awesome shirt to demonstrate how SPEC-TACULAR your name will look when I put it in glitter. Look at those pictures. That's workmanship. This isn't some fly-by-night operation, people. We are professional glitterers. I might quit my job I'm so good at glittering.

Oh yeah, half marathon.
It was a great experience. And yes, I did finish. And I might have been the only one with a sparkle-monkey on her shirt while doing so.


2 hours and 20 minutes. I know that's slow to you real runners, but I couldn't run a 5k a year ago without walking. In the past year, I've taken roughly 10 minutes off my 5k time. And for the half, I was estimating a 2hr 30 min finish. So I'm proud of that time. And I might even try to break it on the 27th when I run my second half marathon. AWWWWWWW yeah, that's right. IT'S GETTIN CRAZY UP IN HERE.

Look out now. We're on fire.

The Meaning of Money

Besides helping yourselves to a good dose of glitter and helping us run 39.3 miles, here are some concrete ways that your money will help My Heart’s Desire and all the animals:

If you donate $10, you could finance:

• 3 gallons of gas for the volunteers of My Heart’s Desire to travel to kill shelters and rescue animals


• 100s of information packets and flyers to educate families about proper animal care and training tips to keep animals and families happy and thus shelters empty

If you donate $25, you could buy:

• A can of milk for puppies and kitties that don’t have a mother to get natural milk from


• Food for 86 dogs and cats for a whole day
  

If you donate $50, you could supply:

• A dog house for disadvantaged families to keep their pets warm and off the street


• Blankets to keep dozens of animals warm at night and real comfy
  
  

If you donate $100, you could:

• Pay half of a dog’s heartworm treatment. Heartworm is the number 1 killer of dogs in the South!


• Feed a single animal for over a year!! Or feed 2 animals for 6 months!! Or feed 5 animals for 2 months!!

Helping us reach $1,000 would:

• Keep the shelter open for a month


• Completely vaccinate and spay/neuter a rescued animal
  
  
  

So you see, if we reach our goal of $3,930,
we can do ALL OF THESE THINGS AND MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So please...

Rootin' Rudy

This is Rudy. He is probably most accurately described as a crappy discarded Walmart lamp that my coworker Jennifer and I put a paper mustache on. He lives in my office. He used to be a cowboy a la Timothy Olyphant in Deadwood. Then he was a pizzeria owner ("He make-a the pizza pie!!"). Now he's a 1970s-era jogger in short shorts. I've requested some Jared-Leto-as-Prefontaine hair. Jennifer's working on that with some black tissue paper.

The most important part of Rudy's current ensemble, as you will notice, is the 3M Half Marathon Finisher's Medal swingin' from his neck like whoa. I know it kinda looks like it came out of The Simpsons, but it did not. It came out of 2 hours and 20 minutes of my life. And very soon, I can prove it when I post some pictures of that same medal swingin' from my own neck. Like a boss.

In summary, this is to say that I am alive. I have completed my first ever half marathon. I have pictures. And they will be posted here soon. They include a very special race day t-shirt that we designed just for you. One guess what it was covered in. It starts with "G" and ends in "mothertruckin' LITTER." That's right. Stay tuned.

Glitter Makes it Better

Lots of things look better with glitter. For instance,

A pair of old jeans I sold on ebay

No Glitter:

GLITTER!





this Belizean Monkey

No Glitter:

GLITTER!





Our Grandmother

No Glitter:



GLITTER!



But most importantly, your name. On a tshirt. On race day.




Oh yeah.

Sponsor Our Thoughts

When we are running, and we are running your sponsored part of the race, we will think of you, and only you.

Like this:

We will think of us doing awesome things with you.

RUNNING IN A PARK!

CLIMBING A TREE!

HOSTING A PARTY!

HANGING OUT AT GEORGE W. BUSH'S HOUSE!

FEEDING ANIMALS AND BEING REALLY APPREHENSIVE!

SEEING THE ALAMO! Is our bicycle in the basement??

RIDING A CABLE CAR! It's the San Francisco Treat.

GIVING HUGS! They're free.

SHOPPING AT THE KWIK-E-MART! Doh.

As you can see, your money will buy a lot of awesome adventures. And save animals.

Meet Who You Are Helping

Watch this short video below and meet the kinds of animals
My Heart's Desire and your donations are helping!!

Dress Us Up

Race day tshirts are a pretty important part of our race preparation. When we run, we like to shine like the top of the Chrysler Building.

Exhibits:

To that end, we will be making more totally awesome, bedazzlingly glorious shirts. And if you're awesome enough to donate, you're awesome enough to go on our shirts.

Imagine, this could be in your future:

We know, we're getting all tingly too.